My Neighbour Errol: Trees

Sigh…

As many of you have probably surmised by now, Errol is a 10 year old boy living in a 42 year old man’s body.

I probably don't even need photo evidence.

I probably don’t even need photo evidence.

Amongst the ten year old activities he enjoys is teasing, watching cartoons and, most importantly, climbing trees.

Willows are his favourite victims.

Willows are his favourite victims.

Normally Errol and nature trying to get along are like cats and vacuum cleaners trying to be friends.

catscared

But trees are one thing that Errol can never resist. Actually, climbing large objects of any sort seems to be an addiction. There is rarely a trip to the park where he DOESN’T race up some tree, or play equipment or rock face.

Or girders...

Or girders…

But just because he CAN do these things with surprising nimbleness doesn’t always mean he SHOULD. Because you see, despite that young 10 year old living in Errol, there is still a 42 year old body to contend with, a 42 year old body that does not always deal well with things like copious amounts of exercise.

It deals a lot better with eating pork rinds.

It deals a lot better with eating pork rinds.

Which brings us to this past Monday. Errol was doing his usual work at Disneyland and decided it would be a fun idea to film himself freaking out about some news his work received next to his overwhelmed coworkers. He took the camera to work, planning to film in the afternoon.

I imagined that it would be simply clips of him running and screaming around his office bothering his work mates. Seemed simple enough, but effective. Everyone’s happy.

Almost everyone.

Almost everyone.

At 5:30 I get a phone call. It’s Errol. I am rather confused as he doesn’t normally get off work until 6, but I figure he’s doing his “coffee break phone call” time.

Me: Hello?

Errol: Hi!

Me: Where are you?

Errol: (sheepishly as he can muster) Um..on my front porch.

Me: Why are you on your front porch?

Errol: Because I’m waiting for my wife.

Me: But why are you at home? Did you leave work early?

Errol:…Yup.

Me: Okay…why did you leave work early?

Errol: Um…

Me: Wait, weren’t you supposed to be filming today?

Errol: Yup…

Me: So…did you film?

Errol:…It was cut short.

Me: Why was it short?

Errol: Well…I took a break and went to the park…

Me: Okay…

Errol: What do I like to do in parks?

Me: Um…tease me? Eat? Complain about nature?

Errol: Other than that…

Me:…Climb trees…?

Errol: Yup…

Me: Errol…did you climb a tree?

Errol: …Yup…

Me: Errol…did you fall out of that tree?

Errol:…Maaybe…

Me: What happened?!

Errol: Oh! Keren’s home! Hang on, I’m just going to crawl into the house…

Yes it seems that Errol has sprained his ankle.

Jumping from a tree.

Did he NEED to climb the tree? Of course not. There was a tree, and Errol had to climb it. Because he has no will power.

There’s even video evidence of it! Those of you who don’t have Errol as a facebook friend can’t really see it, but I can provide a play by play.

Here is Errol attempting to get up into the tree. It took 3 jumps to do so.

erroltree

Admittedly he was actually pretty nimble, and here he is hanging upside down and flailing.

erroltree2

Then came the much more difficult business of getting out of the tree. Here is the swing.

erroltree3

The land. A land his, as he describes it, rotund aging Asian body wasn’t quite prepared for.

erroltree4

And the result of the land, complete with an “Oh crums” from Errol.

erroltree5

Being Errol, he texted his entire adventure to the emergency room to his friends and facebook.

Errol: The happiest patient in existence

Errol: The happiest patient in existence

Including his foot x-rays.

errolankle3

And, somewhat more cringe inducing, pictures of his gross, bruised foot.

Ewies.

There is a worse one believe it or not. Ewies.

Of course I am not completely heartless. My first reaction was concern and worry. Once we established that he would live, only then did I call him an idiot. Sprained ankle, not a big deal.

Then of course he brought up the very good point that the skit we are supposed to perform live on stage on Saturday would be very much hindered by the dolt on the crutches.

It’s hard to describe how I felt in that moment…so I will let this comic explain it instead.

Now, in two days, we have to perform a skit that is very much dependent on Errol’s physical comedy. We were supposed to meet tonight to find a way to get around it, but in his druggy ankle pain haze Errol forgot that he had a rehearsal dinner for a wedding he’s MC-ing on Friday.

Seriously...fishbrain...

Seriously…fishbrain…

I am going through several phases every hour or so. First I panic. Then I curse my buffoonish creative partner. Then I reach a state of eerie calm and certainty that I shall figure this out and we can still make this happen. Then it goes back to panic again. This performance has gotten much more complicated. All because my man-child friend wanted to fulfill his dream of being in Cirque du Soleil.

Not Errol.

Not Errol.

How is it that this man can be a creative genius, competent father, dole out sage wisdom like tic tacs, but can’t grasp such basic concepts as “Maybe next time I shouldn’t climb the freaking tree”?

Or eat dairy

Or eat dairy

It’s a shame too…he actually had his lines learned…I asked him if at the very least he had learned anything from this. His response?

“Next time I will wear better shoes”

Sigh...

Sigh…

I am going to die a very early, stress related death at this rate. Cross your fingers, people. Cross them hard.

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Posted on September 26, 2013, in My Neighbour Errol and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. I disagree with the specifics of your first sentence… Errol is not a ten year old in the body of a forty two year old, he is much closer to being a seven year old in the body of a forty two year old.

  2. Wait, Errol’s FORTY-TWO?! I hope to have that much energy then.

  3. Okay, I admit I laughed at the video and thought that Errol was being Errol, but then I saw that x-ray and foot picture.

    Oh my gosh. I hope Errol is okay.

    But let’s be honest, the first thing Errol’s going to do once he gets his cast off is climb another tree.

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