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Telephone Terrors

Sometimes I wonder what I would have been like had I been born in another time.

For instance, if I’d been born in the 16th century or somewhere thereabouts, my pasty skin and larger figure would be fawned over by men everywhere because it would indicate I was rich and attractive rather than lazy and…well, pasty.

Although according to most paintings I'd have to be naked like, all the time.

Although according to most paintings I’d have to be naked like, all the time.

If I’d been a teenager in the 80’s, my frizzy hair would be the envy of men and women alike. I would be teasing up a storm instead of hiding it under a mountain of mousse.

2 minutes and a hairdryer...then I'd be their god

2 minutes and a hairdryer…then I’d be their god

And had I been born anywhere before the twentieth century, I would not have to use the terrifying contraption that is the telephone.



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Me: I’m going to the gym today!

Errol: OOH! You should track your kilometres!

Me: Well…I’m going on the elliptical…Half an hour is usually only 2.5 km on the elliptical.

Errol: Oh really? Well, just go on the treadmill then.

Me: …I can’t.

Errol: Why not?

Me: It goes too fast! I’m clinging on for dear life!

Errol: So slow it down!

Me: …I can’t.

Errol: Why not?!

Me: Because then I’d just be walking.

Errol: You really are scared of everything, aren’t you?


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