Manda’s Guide to Grant Writing: Phase 1

1. Think of a cool creative project. Get excited.

Mabel-gravity-falls-31568104-500-257

2. Get crushed by reality of the whole “no money” thing.

mabel

3. Find out about grant. Convince yourself that absolutely no one else will apply and that it’ll be a breeze to get the government to give you money.

I should have just listened to Mulder.

I should have just listened to Mulder.

4. Open up a google doc. Make sure you name it!

Or Google Drive. Or whatever it is now I DON'T LIKE CHANGE GOOGLE!

Or Google Drive. Or whatever it is now I DON’T LIKE CHANGE GOOGLE!

5. Check your e-mail.

mission_accomplished

6. Stare at the document. Wonder what the heck an audience engagement strategy is.

Apparently it's this...my brain hurts...

Apparently it’s this…my brain hurts…

7. Watch one episode of Malcolm in the Middle to calm your nerves. That was a great sitcom.

Seriously...awesome show...and the dude from Breaking Bad is in it!

Seriously…awesome show…and the dude from Breaking Bad is in it!

8. Write out the words “Give money now?”. Take a moment to realize you might need to clarify more.

Doing this probably won't help either.

Doing this probably won’t help either.

9. Write out a paragraph. Erase it. Write another paragraph. Erase that one. Wish you were the Doctor who could probably just give a speech and have everyone begging him to make a webseries.

Heck, if I saw a sonic screwdriver, I'd give him money

Heck, if I saw a sonic screwdriver, I’d give him money

10. Start up a work-out routine because any time is a good time to be healthy! Besides which, you want to star in this webseries and you need to be fit.

So I can be BATMAN

So I can be BATMAN

11. Almost faint from severe lack of food in your system and pull every muscle in foot. Blame Jillian Michaels. Hobble back to computer.

Maybe I LIKE my chub, Jillian Michaels...

Maybe I LIKE my chub, Jillian Michaels…

12. Break for lunch. Devour pizza

I learned my dietary habits from these guys.

I learned my dietary habits from these guys.

13. Stare at document. Try to talk about how your webseries is the bestest webseries ever. Erase that paragraph because it feels bad to lie.

We all know it's this one.

We all know it’s this one.

14. Straighten hair because creativity is easier when you feel pretty. Burn ear.

Here's a secret: no one smiles like this when they have to straighten their hair

Here’s a secret: no one smiles like this when they have to straighten their hair

15. Glower at document. Pour glass of wine.

Because I'm CLASSY!

Because I’m CLASSY!

16. Reflect on life decisions.

the one thing I don't regret is playing this.

the one thing I don’t regret is playing this.

17. Turn off netflix. Exit e-mail. Turn on Doctor Who theme. Finish document in an hour. Cry a little.

Take away the corn and replace it with a script and you have me.

Take away the corn and replace it with a script and you have me.

18. Watch Totoro to love life again. Start imagining life with a forest spirit. Try to ignore imaginary Errol smug face. Fail.

Worth it though.

Worth it though.

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Posted on February 17, 2014, in ramblings, wetangent and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. The main reason people in power cave and give the doctor money is because he can just sonic an ATM or five and take what he wants… Your skills in that area are lacking by comparison.

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