Conversations with Stuff: Hair
Me: Hey there, hair.
Hair: Good morning! What are we doing today?!
Hair: Straightening? Curling? Some fancy Game of Thrones hair style you always wanted to do?
Me: About that…now, I don’t want you to freak out…
Hair: Why, what’s wrong? Are you shaving me?!
Me: No, no, nothing like that…it’s just…well, the weather…it’s gotten a bit…
Me: But if you could just keep calm today—
Me: Because there’s no need to do that!
Hair: FRIZZ TIME!
Me: Please hold still–
Me: While I put this product in…
Hair: ALL THE DIRECTIONS!
Me: Crap’s sake. That’s it, we’re going into a pony.
Hair: NO! YOU CANNOT CONTAIN US! IT’S FRIZZ SEASON! A TIME TO CELEBRATE!
Me: It’s for your own good!
Hair: HAIR FASCIST!
Me: That is the biggest over exaggeration I’ve heard today.
Hair: DON’T YOU WANT TO LOOK LIKE RIVER SONG?!
Me: She has sexy frizz. Your frizz is anything but.
Hair: HOW CAN I LEARN TO BE SEXY IF YOU DON’T LET ME BREATHE AND CREATE?!
Hair: (puppy dog eyes)
Me: I’m getting an elastic.
Hair: I’M GOING TO STICK OUT IN WEIRD PLACES!
Me: Of course you are.