My Neighbour Errol: Texting
There is a spot behind on my computer desk, just behind the moniter, that has no phone signal. I only realized this a couple of days ago when my phone was sitting there and not making any noise despite me seeing emails pop up on my computer.
Who cares? You may be thinking to yourself. And I would agree. Normally, this doesn’t even categorize as a “first world problem” so insignificant it is. But then, you may not have an Errol who wants to get a hold of you.
I was having my normal morning conversation with Errol, which has oddly enough become routine. As usual, Errol reached the subway, told me that he’d call in a bit once he got out of the subway, at which point I hung up and without thinking put the phone in the desk void.
I did not pick it up until around 25 minutes later as I was heading out the door. At which point it suddenly started buzzing with activity.
I have spoken before of my morning conversations with Errol. Many people’s response was to ask why didn’t I simply just not answer my phone? Or ignore the texts? Or just turn it off entirely? Sure, Errol established I’m usually available but what could happen? Well, people, this. This is what happens.
The Errol Text Attack:
Where pan pans?
Pan pans is gone!
Where is the pan pans?
Is it because you hate me?
Are you mad at me panpans?
Maybe panpans is talking to a boooy
Boy bod for manpans
Manpans lurves the boybod
Howcome there is no answer?
Did I reach the limit of pan pan?
Mmmm manpans likes the boybod
Silly pan pans
Why does it go straight to voice mail?
I can’t type as fast as I Want
I neeed a new phone
What areyou doing?
Panpans is probably kissing someone
I’m pretending I’m navi
Ij wonderwhat the weather is supposed to be like
“‘Til now..I always got to be on my own”
“how do I get you alone”
Where is the pan pans?????
I will try again
It goes straight to Voice???
What did you do?didyou brek the phone?
Andpan pans is gone!
And you aren’t there
Are you pooing?
I feel warm
“I never really cared until I metchoooo”
“And now it chills me to the bone”
…Ten minutes later, they were still coming in.
I often wonder what Errol did before text messaging existed. Heck, before even cell phones existed. If he had lived in cave man times, would he have pestered his neighbours with constant smoke signals? Would he have broken the telegraph network in the 19th century? The answer is an emphatic yes.
Thank god for unlimited texting.