Fragile

Sooooo…I am known as somewhat of a worrier.

Just for tradition's sake, here's a good reference photo.

Just for tradition’s sake, here’s a good reference photo.

I worry about what I say to others. I worry about my worthiness. I worry about creative projects that might fail. I worry about my job, what I will eat, who I will hang out with, how unclean my apartment is, how squirrels look at me…

Never trust them...

Never trust them…

At the best of times I simply rant and rave to my closest friends. At the worst of times I am in a fetal position on the floor bemoaning my fate as the worst writer/actor/cook/gardener/friend/person ever. It’s not 24/7 of course, but it’s probably one of my more well known personality traits.

It’s a persona that has become more public in the last few years and it’s one that both myself and my friends have exploited for the entertainment of others. After all, what’s the use of having a crippling insecurity if you can’t make fun of it?

See any one of Errol's comics for reference.

See any one of Errol’s comics for reference.

But with this increasingly nervous persona that I put out into the world, there comes a certain assumption from a few people that because I am an anxious person I am therefore fragile and need to be pitied and/or rescued.

Like this useless character.

Like this useless character.

It bothers me when people think this about me. Oh, sure, it’s a natural assumption to make. If you see someone panic, it must be because they can’t handle tough situations or they are being forced to do something they don’t want to.

But in my case at least it’s not true. Sure, I panic. I worry. My nerves get frayed very easily. But this does not mean that I cannot handle anything that comes my way.

Most useless Disney princesses. Seriously, one person tells them "no" and they just whimper.

Most useless Disney princesses. Seriously, one person tells them “no” and they just whimper.

The fact of the matter is, I wouldn’t take on anything that didn’t seem fun to me. If I was truly not enjoying  a project, if I was truly frustrated, then I wouldn’t do it at all.

For instance, let’s take a certain creative partner named Errol.

Everyone's favourite weirdo.

Everyone’s favourite weirdo.

It’s true, he teases me relentlessly, both in our projects and in real life. And more than one concerned friend have wondered if I am simply trapped into doing projects with him. They question why I would be friends with someone who clearly gets way too much joy out of making my mind a psychological playground.

Me after a night of Errol teasing? Or just me on a Friday night? YOU be the judge :D.

Me after a night of Errol teasing? Or just me on a Friday night? YOU be the judge :D.

But these few individuals never actually consider that Errol continues to be my friend and creative partner because I actually have FUN when we hang out. Oh, certainly I get flustered and overwhelmed. But if Errol actually bothered me, or if I actually felt uncomfortable, then he wouldn’t be my friend. Nor would I work with him. End of story.

The ending HAS been written!

The ending HAS been written!

It goes the same with my creative projects. My panic comes from how daunting they seem, or how unprepared I feel. But there has rarely been a creative endeavor that I will take on that I have not wanted to do. That I don’t have an insane amount of fun doing.

And because they are fun, and because they are precious, and because I want them to work, well, that’s when I get anxious that I will somehow screw things up. In fact, Errol wouldn’t push me the way he does if he did not think I could handle a project.

I still reel that this got done.

I still reel that this got done.

Is it right to always feel this anxious? Probably not. It’s something I’ve been striving to improve on. But it does not mean I am fragile. I am not a wilting flower that will blow over in a gust of breeze. I do not need anyone to rescue me or to stand up for me. I do not need pity. When I do need help, when I feel at my wit’s end, when I’ve lost hope, I ask for a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on. But any other time? I try to stand on my own two feet as best as possible and plow forward despite the obstacles or worries that stand in my path.

Sure, I will worry and panic. But that does not mean I am not capable of making my own decisions. Plowing foward THROUGH those doubts and worries…that takes a kind of strength in itself.

There are other people who might be fragile, whose anxiety and nerves come from a deep seated insecurity, who need to be comforted and rescued from their own emotions. I am not one of those people.

Except when it comes to spiders...I am very willing to be rescued from them....so what if it's cliched?!

Except when it comes to spiders…I am very willing to be rescued from them….so what if it’s cliched?!

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Posted on February 2, 2014, in ramblings, Writing and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. Yay for Portal shirt and TARDIS shirt! And fragile does not mean weak or need rescued. It just means fragile. I rather enjoy it when someone fragile has had enough and snaps on someone. >.> seriously, I take a deep deep pleasure in it.

    Sometimes a good fetal position roll on the floor is good for the soul.

  2. I have been guilty of making this assumption of your dynamic with Errol- and for that, I’m sorry once again…

    • No need to apologize! The difference between you and my few other friends who have thought the same is that your only point of reference is the comic/our projects. We have yet to meet in person, so it’s completely understandable!

      But thanks :D. Online personas are hard to guage!

  3. ilovemyfriends11

    Cinderella and Aurora are not useless.

    • They most definitely are. Aurora moreso. In the movie she is merely a plot point, the classic character who doesn’t really do anything but instead waits for things to happen to her. She is born, she gets cursed, she sings a bit, she falls in love in 5 minutes, she falls asleep, she’s rescued. That’s pretty much it. If anything, the movie is more about the fairies than it is Aurora. She’s actually a tertiary character in her own story. She doesn’t actually DO anything interesting. Her only purpose is to get rescued.

      Part of it was that fairy tales are very much written that way. But there are other Disney interpretations that are far kinder to their female characters. Take someone like Belle. In the original story of Beauty and the Beast, Beauty was just as uninteresting as Aurora (pretty and a little nicer…that was her quality). But in Disney’s version, they made her far more interesting. She cared deeply about her father, she read books and felt out of place in her town. She stood up for herself in front of the Beast. Her choosing to stay in the Beast’s castle was her own choice of self sacrifice rather than her father saying “Oh um…I promised the beast the first thing that greeted me…so…sucks to be you?” She had a personality BEYOND just “I have to fall in love”. Is it perfect? No, but it’s far more interesting than Disney’s earlier attempts at adaptation.

      Actually…this might also make a good blog post 😀

  4. ilovemyfriends11

    I do agree that Belle is a very interesting character, but Aurora’s not boring. She didn’t wait for everything to happen for her. Actually, she didn’t even care about “Prince Charming” that much, she was happy as she was. She was pretty cool, and I liked her, but this is just my opinion :D.

    • Hahahahaha, opinion noted. Perfectly fine if you like her! I still might write a post about them though 😀

      • ilovemyfriends11

        You can if you want! It might get some good reviews and it might get some bad… I have met a few people who like Aurora a lot and they might get mad, but most of the people who like Belle will probably think it’s awesome :). I like Belle and Aurora so I don’t know…. XD

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