Never give your phone to Errol. This is one of the first rules you will learn when Errol becomes your friend.

Why? Well, other than having access to your twitter and e-mail and all sorts of things he can mess with, you will receive your phone back with this staring back at you:

And this:

The poor unfortunate recipient of these particular images was Errol’s awesome and extremely patient sister, Lizette (aka the ultimate Errol survivalist). There were actually more images riddling Lizette’s desktop, but her daughter was against Errol taking over her mother’s phone for some reason.

What’s so wrong, you might ask, with someone taking pictures of themselves? It happens all the time with many friends. Just don’t look at them if they make you spit your water out upon looking at them.

Sure, simple enough. Oh wait, except that Errol does not make these things simple. For you see, not only does he take these photos, but he riddles your phone’s desktop and background with them. So that everytime you open your phone, you’re greeted with this face:

Admittedly I took this photo, but he still put it up on my phone.

And no, it’s not easy to get rid of. It’s next to impossible. I tried, I really did. I selected a new background. I tried deleting the photos. But nothing took. It was like some phone voodoo.

Now imagine you are me. Imagine you are trying to convince your friends and family that your life does not revolve around Errol (even though you have a blog category devoted to his insanity). They believe you at first. Then they take a glance at your phone and see it riddled with pictures like these (and yes, this is still currently on the front page of my phone):

He was very proud of this invention.

And when you DO manage to finally get it off, there he will be, once again, tricking you into handing over your phone so he can wreak his havoc again. And it will have been long enough since the LAST time you got rid of his face that you will have entirely forgotten how to remove them.

Sure, you could try and insist that maybe, you know, he shouldn’t be pasting his face all over your technology. But nothing can stand in the way of the Errol narcissism. In fact, he acts shocked that you might NOT want his photos. And then he will guilt you and look sad. And for me, sadly, this guilt works.

Sometimes you might catch Errol tampering with your precious phone, and there will be a conversation. But it will be fairly one sided.

Me: What are you doing with my phone?

Errol: You don’t have any pictures on here! Why not?

Me: I didn’t think I needed them?

Errol: Don’t you want to have fun pictures of your friends?

Me: I guess?

Errol: I can help, wait! THERE’S NO PICTURES OF ME ON  YOUR PHONE! WHY NOT?!

Me: Um, I don’t know—

Errol: Don’t you like me?!

Me: Of course I do!

Errol: But you don’t have pictures of me!

Me: So, I—

Errol: There we go, ALL FIXED.

Me:…what?

So fear for your phone. In fact, fear for your life. Especially if you have a boyfriend or best friend or relative who is easily offended at seeing pictures of some random Asian dude on  your phone instead of them. I don’t luckily, but others might not be so lucky….